Remember Me Always

As some of you know Andy's Dad Luther passed away last year. Now, obviously he was crazy about his little granddaughter Madi and really wanted to be on this earth to watch her grow up a little more. He knew he had some serious health issues, but when he started kidney dialysis and then broke his neck, he knew that he may not be around much longer.
Now, my Grandma is not doing her best and she is 91. She is feeling the same way about Madi wanting so badly for Madi to remember her. I laugh and say you know me with all the pictures I take...I will make DVDs about you and books to show her!
So, I plan on making a DVD along with music like "Grandpa" from the Judds for Luther's and something from an old era for my G'ma's.
Then I decided I am going make scrapbooks with pictures of course but also with stories to go along with it. Luther had a lot of quotes and funny sayings to include. My G'ma traveled all over the US. I think it will be a nice way for her to get to know two people who truly adored her.
P.S....I need to get started, NOW!

School Days

WEll, summer is coming to an end again and this year my baby girl will be going to preschool part time. With her being an only child and also a very hyper individual I think this will be a great experience for her. I didn't want her to go full time just yet. She is still too young and I want her to have plenty of time to play here at home. And of course I am not ready to give up all my time with her yet ;)

Do you all have any first days of school stories you'd like to share? Or is this the first year for your child as well?

Talkin' 'bout my generation...

Well, I sit here tonight in tears because I had to discipline Madi again. She has been a different child for the last two weeks. She is always a very hyper child but it has been even more so lately and she is back to being "testy" like the terrible 2 stage. For about 8 months I had absolutely no trouble with her. I thought yay, the tantrums are all gone...LOL!!! How wrong was I!! She fell down 3 times in a store the other day from running so fast after my sternly telling her to stop. Then she proceeded to have a tantrum on the floor after not getting something silly she wanted.
All of this got me to thinking about how my generation seems to be a little bit "softer" on our children. And is this a good quality or are we spoiling them and making them dependant on us,etc. I think what we are trying to do is show them that we love them unconditionally and that they can come to us with anything. We are not the "sweep it under the rug and pretend it isn't there" generation. We openly talk about topics these days that were definitely not spoke of and pretty much taboo not so long ago.

Ugh, I know this has to be done on occasion and I should not be so hard on myself. She knows exactly what she is doing and that is seeing how far she can push me. She even told me she was the boss, lol. But she will be starting preschool (part-time 5hrs/wk) and she needs to understand that NO means...NO!! Stop means STOP and don't means DON'T. My family and I are seriously concerned that she may not sit in her seat!
Wish us luck and I know we will get through this stage together just fine. She's my joy, my gift from God...I love her with all my heart.

New Attitude

Wow, have I really changed my thinking in the last few weeks. For three years now I have been a SAHM and I have loved it as a Mom but struggled with it as a person. There were a lot of days where I felt "worthless" as far as not working a public job. Within the last few weeks I feel I have found my "nitch" as the keeper of the home. I have truly started to look at it as a J.O.B., yep that's right a JOB! And I realize it will be the most important one I have in this lifetime. And I am NOT "a dime a dozen."
I know that I am not superwoman and I cannot do everything everyone wants me to do at that very moment. I used to run around like Edith Bunker doing everything Madi wanted when she was an infant. Well, haha, now that she is a testy toddler I am letting her learn that we don't do everything she wants to do and we do not do everything RIGHT NOW, lol! It hurts me inside to discipline her but this is my job as her parent. I am her parent first, her friend second. I have to guide her and teach her what is best for her to be a productive member of society. For her to be patient, learn to share and strive as an independent person. So, yeah, I feel that this is an important occupation I have here on my shoulders and I am going to keep doing my best job to make our home a loving, fun, happy place where she can feel confident and safe with lots of wonderful memories.
I was guilty prior to having Madi as thinking of SAHMs kind of like Peg Bundy! Someone who sat on the couch eating bon bons and being sort of a weirdo not wanting to "work"...like the "cat lady." Boy was I wrong! If you are blessed enough to stay home with your children in our generation we have changed it from being a housewife to a domestic goddess :) It's all about the attitude.

Psalms 113:9
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

SAHM

Growing up I never saw myself being a stay at home mom. I always thought I would never even have a child. But now after having Madi I am so blessed to call that my "job title". And I know soon enough I will be back to work and she will be in school, this precious time will pass. It will be something I look back on feeling thankful that I was able to stay at home with her.
All of this got me to thinking about what we hope our kids will grow up to be. Doctors, lawyers some high paying job. NEVER the job STAY AT HOME MOM. I thought to myself why? This has been the most important job of my life so far. I have done everything from assisting doctors with surgery to making pizza and this has by far been the hardest yet most rewarding. And I want Madi to be happy and at peace with her life. Education will run second place to her being a happy, spiritual, kind to others young lady. Life is short. I don't want her to be a slave to some occupation or spend her life trying to be perfect and feel the pressure of always bringing home an A. YES, I will encourage her to...but will find out why she got something other than an A before I punish her.
Just random thoughts of mine...happens often as a parent.

I am Blessed :)

We finally got moved in! I am adjusting way faster than I thought I would and Madi loves the fact that this home is bigger. Glad we are almost finished with it all.

This sat. my little baby turns 3. I cannot believe it!! But, it is such an exciting age for all of us. As you all know she is the joy in my life and God has blessed me with her. She is very excited about her big day.

AND THEN...I get to see one of my besties in person for the first time!!! We met through this awesome world of blogging and have chatted a lot since then. We have talked well over a year and almost daily for quiet some time now. So, I will have plenty of pics for all occasions.
Sorry to make this post so short but I am on Wendy's WiFi time, lol!
Internet coming soon...

MARCH 27th 2007

... changed my life forever!

So hard for me to comprehend that my baby is going to be three years old.
1st Birthday

2nd Birthday


Anxious and awaiting her 3rd!

As a tradition I write Madi a letter every year on her birthday and put it in this pretty box. I tell her how much she has learned and grown the past year and how much she is loved. I plan on giving it to her for her 16th or 18th birthday.
It's AMAZING how much I love this child!!

Sticks and Stones and....Sneetches?

Well, thanks to this Dr. Seuss video Madi now knows the word stupid. It is a word I am certain I have said around her but it is definately something I don't want her to use. I mean I would rather her call someone an a-hole than stupid. Maybe it's just me but I think it's an awful word and hate the fact they put it in the cartoon. I know this is petty and she will learn plenty of awful words in no time but it's sad when they use them in cartoons like this. I try to monitor what she watches and I don't think it's a big enough deal to make her stop watching it either. I just hope she never uses it as a weapon on someone to hurt their feelings.

“Let The Little Children Come To Me"

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

I try and pray with Madi every night at bedtime. This is usually how we do it:
Dear Lord Jesus,
(ME) Thank you for our day today. Thank you for our home, food, clothing and health. (Madi) Thank you for my pants! {hard not to laugh} (Me) Thank you for each other. (Madi) Thanks for Oscar.(our dog)
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen

I find it fascinating how she has never once asked me who Jesus is? I mean if we talk about a friend or family member she will say "who's that?" You know like who's Mike and what's he doing.

The other day I heard her say "Dear Jesus thanks for Mama." When I pray obviously I leave myself out. I found that so sweet that she thought of me. Then yesterday she opened my bible {hardback that looks nothing like the one I usually use} and said, "Thank you Jesus for your help." Just so remarkable what they take in at such a young age.

She has also recently lost her Grandpa and she will tell you he's in Heaven with Jesus and that Jesus is everywhere. My Mom lost her dog Simon last week and she will say he's in Heaven with Grandpa.


“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the
kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will
not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
(Luke 18:15-17, NIV)

All She Wants To Do Is Dance...

Tonight was Madi's "Super Toddler" class and she could not wait! She was very anxious.
Madi is a hyper-active only child who needs to learn how to listen to other adults, following instructions and WAIT HER TURN. :) So instead of putting her in daycare I am trying to get her in a few actives that will help develop her for pre-school.
Her Grandma Jacie made her a new tutu!

She is lovin' her new look!


Most of the other kids have been doing this since like fall, I think, and this was Madi's first night. She was not understanding she had to STAY on the white line and listen to the instructor. All she has ever known is Mama's the boss and disciplinarian so she kept facing me, lol! We were doing the "big claps." Well...I am. :)

Thank God the instructor knows us! She is laughing due to Madi being lost and ornery.

We are skipping down the runway...

This is actually me trying to get her off of this and with the rest of the group.

She is doing great here and loving it!!

And this is what made her disobey all night...the trampoline she played on last week. Finally she got her turn to jump...I MADE her wait until last, to try and teach her what it means to wait your turn. As an only child she honestly doesn't get this concept.

This photo needs no words, LOL!

I hate taking my arthritis medication and have only taken it about 10 times in the past year and tonight was one of them! She's worth every pain.

SUPER TODDLER

On my last post I mentioned how Madi was taking a dance/tumble class and getting so excited about it. Well, sometimes in life we are thrown a disappointment or two. I had signed her up for the "beginners" class. In my mind this was the right one since she had never been before. We get there early to fill out paperwork and she keeps saying "I'm ready Mama...I wanna dance!" An Instructor that we have known for a long time takes Madi in the gym and shows her some tumbles etc. Then they tell us that parents are not allowed to be with the kids but we can watch in the next room through the glass! Um...Madi is not quiet 3 yet, never gets to play with kids, always with mom & not to good at sitting, this could be a problem. And it was. She was so lost as the other girls (like ages 6-7) were doing back bends etc. I saw her start to look for me and panic a little. As she spotted me through the glass I waved frantically "HERE I AM HONEY!" LOL! Then here came the big tears..."I wanna dance mama!"
Here she was before the meltdown:

Not knowing what to do:

The Instructor said come with me Madi and I will show you what our Super Toddler class does:

Listening to her instructions:

She turned on the music and showed Madi some moves:


So next Weds we will be a SUPER TODDLER! And mom is allowed to sit in the class. :)

Tiny Dancer

Ballerina,
you must have seen her

dancing in the sand


Well, I had to make a decision this week. I was going to take a phlebotomy course that was starting in about a week or so. I called and registered Madi for dance class every Thurs from 6-7 and then ran in and told her about it. She was ecstatic!!! She immediately twirled around and smiled so big. Then I got this feeling like I was punched in the gut! THURSDAYS! D'oh! My course was on Mons & Thurs for 3 months. As I sat trying to make this decision I realized that I am not in a big hurry to get back to work. I mean for me I would love to for some adult interaction but the wolf is not at our door quiet yet financially. That evening I walked into the living room and stopped when I heard Madi talking to herself. This is what she said:
I'm going to dance in a minute.
Hi kids my name is Madi, what's your name? Would you like to jump with me?
You see Madi is hardly ever around other children. Maybe a couple times a month at church for about 45 mins but that's it.
Then I knew what I had to do! I called the school and the next phlebotomy course starts in July. Jobs and school will always be here, Madi will only be this age, home with Mama for a short period of time.
And besides, I think being a Vampire will still be cool for the next few years anyway. ;)

Super Power

I don't know about other women, but one thing motherhood has really done for me is opened my eyes on how strong God made women. I think about this today as I have one of my migraines. As most of you know when a stay at home mom is sick she cannot just call off work. Oh no, her job has to be done no matter what. And at those times when I feel like I just can't get the job done I get this inner strength to press on. The type of strength that I know comes from God given to women to do their job as a mother. Just like the strength he has given our men to work long hard hours and still manage to get up and do it all over again (of course I am not saying women cannot do this). But, before Madi I didn't know of this strength at all. I mean I would push myself to do certain things but not to the point I do in the long hours of raising her. To this day I have NEVER fallen asleep before her. I make sure she is asleep, safe and sound before I shut my eyes.
And of course it can be stressful and it takes a toll on you mentally, physically and emotionally but you always manage to get what needs to be done...done. However, it is such a wonderful gift that God has given us as women. We are nurturing, loving, gentle and can even crack the whip and give "the look" when need be!

Like my gynecologist says "God made you women to give birth because us men are wimps!"
Gotta Love that man!
Psalm 113:9
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Happily Ever After...for Whom?

...The three of us.

This photo was taken at my church for Madi's dedication. Although it was one of the most important days I have had as a parent, I look at this picture and see the truth about our situation. I am FAT & unhappy with myself, Andy's probably not all that happy either and Madi looks troubled. And I know it's just the way the picture captured her and the black and white doesn't help matters, but it tells a story to me.

As some of you know already I have had some issues lately and have been a little down. I remember when hippies used to say they were "finding themselves" and how bizarre that sounded. Well, last year I came to know exactly how they felt minus the acid trip, lol!
Having Madi come into my life has been the best thing that has EVER happened to me. But, from the day she was born I have made her my whole life. I literally would not take my eyes off of her as an infant in fear of her choking...she later was diagnosed with acid reflux. And it just goes on and on. Never wanted to leave her even for an hour. So, what I thought was being a good mother was taking attention away from my marriage and my own identity as a person. I started getting lonely, empty, overwhelmed and FAT. And don't misunderstand me, as a Mom I was (and remain) on cloud 9. Would not trade it for the world! But as a woman, I started fading and sinking into a depression I have never experienced before.

This past summer I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I felt like running...but where? I took some time out for myself and reunited with some old friends, found a little piece of AMY again and lost the weight.

Did this solve everything? NO! But it did help a great deal. I started dressing the way I wanted to again. As a woman...for myself.
Sometimes we just have to take a break. I also have arthritis from giving birth and at 36 this can be a real bummer if I let it. I am so determined not to let this get me that I stay on my feet ALL day.
To make this long story short I would have days of should I stay or should I go. Should I throw in the towel and just start over? Can I get out of this rut, stay and Make this work? How do I balance myself between Andy and Madi?
I never knew how hard physically, mentally and emotionally being a stay at home mom could be. But I do know it is a gift, blessing and a privilege. So, I am trying to find the balance in being mom,wife and Amy. I am seeing things in a positive light, feeling blessed and taking it one day at a time.
Life is not just about her:

Him:

Or Me:
But the three of us...together...as a family.

So as my friend brought to my attention, which makes for the better story? A woman who finds herself again, starts a new life, independence, career, all on her own etc. Or, a story of people who take the road less traveled~for "better or worse" keeping a home unbroken?
Keep in mind:
Being a stay at home mom isn't always glamorous and marriage is daily work. And that marriages aren't really as pristine as they appear in the confines of church.
Like I have said before, I don't mind sharing my problems, we all have them and I hope if nothing else this will help other women know they are not alone in these struggles.
Thank you all for your prayers, comments, calls, hugs, tough love, emails or however it is you have helped me. I truly appreciate it.

*Again I am in no way saying if you are a divorced, single parent that you made the wrong choice.

Madi's Prayer

As I have said in previous posts I have been struggling with some personal battles lately and I have come (hopefully) to terms with it. It's not a new epiphany I have recently had or anything like that, something I have been feeling all along. As a parent we say we would do ANYTHING for our children; die for them. So, I need to focus and realize I have had my carefree fun time in life and now it's more about her. Andy & I have had our party phase, honeymoon phase, travel phase, rock concert phase, working too much phase...you name it! Now it's family time. There are certain areas that I am not happy with and I'll be honest with you, it needs to be worked out.
(this is what I bet her prayer would sound like)

Dear lord Jesus,
Thank you for my home, clothing, food, family & health.
I pray Lord for a loving home with my Mom & my Dad together. For a place where I can feel safe, loved, grow & strive to be my very best. A place where birthdays and holidays are not split up between homes. A place where people do not raise their voices in anger but rather talk out their problems with respect. I pray that the stress of everyday life doesn't get in the way of our love for one another. I pray that my Dad will have confidence as our provider and leader. I pray that my Mom will become more independent but not to the point of not having enough time for me. I want my Mom to be happy and playful not sad and uptight. I pray that my Mom will be my friend as well as my parent and that I can always cry on my Daddy's shoulder. And And I know Lord that with your love and guidance all of the above is possible.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
After all isn't this what any child wants.
*This is only about MY situation I do not judge others for divorce etc...I am by no means a hypocrite*

Holiday Weekend

While most families had a 4 day weekend, having our own small business we can't always do that and especially the way times are right now. So, Andy was off on Thurs. and then on Sun. as usual. We wanted to give Madi a great day on Sun. Here's how it went:

Went to the park to play one last time before it's gets too cold.

It's close to an hour away but well worth it for her!


Made this fun dessert for her when we got home.

Her very first time eating a rice krispie treat!

Watched some School of Rock and jammed with Jack Black!

She helped her dad with the outdoor Christmas tree. (no future pole dancing!!)

I think she had a great day!