New Attitude

Wow, have I really changed my thinking in the last few weeks. For three years now I have been a SAHM and I have loved it as a Mom but struggled with it as a person. There were a lot of days where I felt "worthless" as far as not working a public job. Within the last few weeks I feel I have found my "nitch" as the keeper of the home. I have truly started to look at it as a J.O.B., yep that's right a JOB! And I realize it will be the most important one I have in this lifetime. And I am NOT "a dime a dozen."
I know that I am not superwoman and I cannot do everything everyone wants me to do at that very moment. I used to run around like Edith Bunker doing everything Madi wanted when she was an infant. Well, haha, now that she is a testy toddler I am letting her learn that we don't do everything she wants to do and we do not do everything RIGHT NOW, lol! It hurts me inside to discipline her but this is my job as her parent. I am her parent first, her friend second. I have to guide her and teach her what is best for her to be a productive member of society. For her to be patient, learn to share and strive as an independent person. So, yeah, I feel that this is an important occupation I have here on my shoulders and I am going to keep doing my best job to make our home a loving, fun, happy place where she can feel confident and safe with lots of wonderful memories.
I was guilty prior to having Madi as thinking of SAHMs kind of like Peg Bundy! Someone who sat on the couch eating bon bons and being sort of a weirdo not wanting to "work"...like the "cat lady." Boy was I wrong! If you are blessed enough to stay home with your children in our generation we have changed it from being a housewife to a domestic goddess :) It's all about the attitude.

Psalms 113:9
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

YOU

Have you ever wanted to surgically change something about your appearance? I have always thought about what it would be like to have a "cute little nose" on my face. My nose is kinda big for my face and the older I get or slimmer I get, the bigger it looks! I thought long and hard about if I really would change it the other day and go under the knife. And you know what?...I wouldn't do it. It would no longer be me. God and genetics made me who I am and that's who I want to be. Now liposuction on my knees...that's a another story ;)

“Let The Little Children Come To Me"

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

I try and pray with Madi every night at bedtime. This is usually how we do it:
Dear Lord Jesus,
(ME) Thank you for our day today. Thank you for our home, food, clothing and health. (Madi) Thank you for my pants! {hard not to laugh} (Me) Thank you for each other. (Madi) Thanks for Oscar.(our dog)
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen

I find it fascinating how she has never once asked me who Jesus is? I mean if we talk about a friend or family member she will say "who's that?" You know like who's Mike and what's he doing.

The other day I heard her say "Dear Jesus thanks for Mama." When I pray obviously I leave myself out. I found that so sweet that she thought of me. Then yesterday she opened my bible {hardback that looks nothing like the one I usually use} and said, "Thank you Jesus for your help." Just so remarkable what they take in at such a young age.

She has also recently lost her Grandpa and she will tell you he's in Heaven with Jesus and that Jesus is everywhere. My Mom lost her dog Simon last week and she will say he's in Heaven with Grandpa.


“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the
kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will
not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
(Luke 18:15-17, NIV)

Eat Your Veggies

Everyday I strive to be a better mom and keeper of the home. At the end of the day I will think about what all I have accomplished and the things I need to work on. One major thing I need to work on as the homemaker is what I cook. We eat fairly heart smart as far as oils, butter and certain fats are concerned but we could always do a little better about eating fruits and veggies. Madi is like her mama when it comes to not liking the vegetables. So tonight I made Speedy Stovetop Lasagna from this awesome website ( http://www.sneakychef.com/) refered to me by a friend. It's a way to incorporate veggies in without tasting them, lol! My SIL Stacy has talked to me about doing this before as well and I am happy there's a website to help me with it.
Well, although Madi didn't eat a bite of it :(...Andy didn't know it was diet and absolutely loved it. I thought it was definatley doable and I am not giving up on finding something on here that Madi will like.


This may sound kind of silly to some people but one of the reasons I wanted to have a baby is simply to do the duties of a mother. I remember telling my mom when I was trying to get pregnant that I wanted to make sandwiches and pack school lunches. And she assured me that wasn't silly to her but natural. It seemed so odd to me because I had no clue I would ever want children. Now I can't imagine my life any different.
Being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever love.

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. Psalms 113:9

All She Wants To Do Is Dance...

Tonight was Madi's "Super Toddler" class and she could not wait! She was very anxious.
Madi is a hyper-active only child who needs to learn how to listen to other adults, following instructions and WAIT HER TURN. :) So instead of putting her in daycare I am trying to get her in a few actives that will help develop her for pre-school.
Her Grandma Jacie made her a new tutu!

She is lovin' her new look!


Most of the other kids have been doing this since like fall, I think, and this was Madi's first night. She was not understanding she had to STAY on the white line and listen to the instructor. All she has ever known is Mama's the boss and disciplinarian so she kept facing me, lol! We were doing the "big claps." Well...I am. :)

Thank God the instructor knows us! She is laughing due to Madi being lost and ornery.

We are skipping down the runway...

This is actually me trying to get her off of this and with the rest of the group.

She is doing great here and loving it!!

And this is what made her disobey all night...the trampoline she played on last week. Finally she got her turn to jump...I MADE her wait until last, to try and teach her what it means to wait your turn. As an only child she honestly doesn't get this concept.

This photo needs no words, LOL!

I hate taking my arthritis medication and have only taken it about 10 times in the past year and tonight was one of them! She's worth every pain.

Tiny Dancer

Ballerina,
you must have seen her

dancing in the sand


Well, I had to make a decision this week. I was going to take a phlebotomy course that was starting in about a week or so. I called and registered Madi for dance class every Thurs from 6-7 and then ran in and told her about it. She was ecstatic!!! She immediately twirled around and smiled so big. Then I got this feeling like I was punched in the gut! THURSDAYS! D'oh! My course was on Mons & Thurs for 3 months. As I sat trying to make this decision I realized that I am not in a big hurry to get back to work. I mean for me I would love to for some adult interaction but the wolf is not at our door quiet yet financially. That evening I walked into the living room and stopped when I heard Madi talking to herself. This is what she said:
I'm going to dance in a minute.
Hi kids my name is Madi, what's your name? Would you like to jump with me?
You see Madi is hardly ever around other children. Maybe a couple times a month at church for about 45 mins but that's it.
Then I knew what I had to do! I called the school and the next phlebotomy course starts in July. Jobs and school will always be here, Madi will only be this age, home with Mama for a short period of time.
And besides, I think being a Vampire will still be cool for the next few years anyway. ;)

Super Power

I don't know about other women, but one thing motherhood has really done for me is opened my eyes on how strong God made women. I think about this today as I have one of my migraines. As most of you know when a stay at home mom is sick she cannot just call off work. Oh no, her job has to be done no matter what. And at those times when I feel like I just can't get the job done I get this inner strength to press on. The type of strength that I know comes from God given to women to do their job as a mother. Just like the strength he has given our men to work long hard hours and still manage to get up and do it all over again (of course I am not saying women cannot do this). But, before Madi I didn't know of this strength at all. I mean I would push myself to do certain things but not to the point I do in the long hours of raising her. To this day I have NEVER fallen asleep before her. I make sure she is asleep, safe and sound before I shut my eyes.
And of course it can be stressful and it takes a toll on you mentally, physically and emotionally but you always manage to get what needs to be done...done. However, it is such a wonderful gift that God has given us as women. We are nurturing, loving, gentle and can even crack the whip and give "the look" when need be!

Like my gynecologist says "God made you women to give birth because us men are wimps!"
Gotta Love that man!
Psalm 113:9
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

Happily Ever After...for Whom?

...The three of us.

This photo was taken at my church for Madi's dedication. Although it was one of the most important days I have had as a parent, I look at this picture and see the truth about our situation. I am FAT & unhappy with myself, Andy's probably not all that happy either and Madi looks troubled. And I know it's just the way the picture captured her and the black and white doesn't help matters, but it tells a story to me.

As some of you know already I have had some issues lately and have been a little down. I remember when hippies used to say they were "finding themselves" and how bizarre that sounded. Well, last year I came to know exactly how they felt minus the acid trip, lol!
Having Madi come into my life has been the best thing that has EVER happened to me. But, from the day she was born I have made her my whole life. I literally would not take my eyes off of her as an infant in fear of her choking...she later was diagnosed with acid reflux. And it just goes on and on. Never wanted to leave her even for an hour. So, what I thought was being a good mother was taking attention away from my marriage and my own identity as a person. I started getting lonely, empty, overwhelmed and FAT. And don't misunderstand me, as a Mom I was (and remain) on cloud 9. Would not trade it for the world! But as a woman, I started fading and sinking into a depression I have never experienced before.

This past summer I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I felt like running...but where? I took some time out for myself and reunited with some old friends, found a little piece of AMY again and lost the weight.

Did this solve everything? NO! But it did help a great deal. I started dressing the way I wanted to again. As a woman...for myself.
Sometimes we just have to take a break. I also have arthritis from giving birth and at 36 this can be a real bummer if I let it. I am so determined not to let this get me that I stay on my feet ALL day.
To make this long story short I would have days of should I stay or should I go. Should I throw in the towel and just start over? Can I get out of this rut, stay and Make this work? How do I balance myself between Andy and Madi?
I never knew how hard physically, mentally and emotionally being a stay at home mom could be. But I do know it is a gift, blessing and a privilege. So, I am trying to find the balance in being mom,wife and Amy. I am seeing things in a positive light, feeling blessed and taking it one day at a time.
Life is not just about her:

Him:

Or Me:
But the three of us...together...as a family.

So as my friend brought to my attention, which makes for the better story? A woman who finds herself again, starts a new life, independence, career, all on her own etc. Or, a story of people who take the road less traveled~for "better or worse" keeping a home unbroken?
Keep in mind:
Being a stay at home mom isn't always glamorous and marriage is daily work. And that marriages aren't really as pristine as they appear in the confines of church.
Like I have said before, I don't mind sharing my problems, we all have them and I hope if nothing else this will help other women know they are not alone in these struggles.
Thank you all for your prayers, comments, calls, hugs, tough love, emails or however it is you have helped me. I truly appreciate it.

*Again I am in no way saying if you are a divorced, single parent that you made the wrong choice.

Madi's Prayer

As I have said in previous posts I have been struggling with some personal battles lately and I have come (hopefully) to terms with it. It's not a new epiphany I have recently had or anything like that, something I have been feeling all along. As a parent we say we would do ANYTHING for our children; die for them. So, I need to focus and realize I have had my carefree fun time in life and now it's more about her. Andy & I have had our party phase, honeymoon phase, travel phase, rock concert phase, working too much phase...you name it! Now it's family time. There are certain areas that I am not happy with and I'll be honest with you, it needs to be worked out.
(this is what I bet her prayer would sound like)

Dear lord Jesus,
Thank you for my home, clothing, food, family & health.
I pray Lord for a loving home with my Mom & my Dad together. For a place where I can feel safe, loved, grow & strive to be my very best. A place where birthdays and holidays are not split up between homes. A place where people do not raise their voices in anger but rather talk out their problems with respect. I pray that the stress of everyday life doesn't get in the way of our love for one another. I pray that my Dad will have confidence as our provider and leader. I pray that my Mom will become more independent but not to the point of not having enough time for me. I want my Mom to be happy and playful not sad and uptight. I pray that my Mom will be my friend as well as my parent and that I can always cry on my Daddy's shoulder. And And I know Lord that with your love and guidance all of the above is possible.
In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
After all isn't this what any child wants.
*This is only about MY situation I do not judge others for divorce etc...I am by no means a hypocrite*

SERENITY

I have been in a serious rut for about a year now. Some things I can change, others I cannot. So instead of moping around another day I have decided to set some small goals and stick with them. Work on the things I can change. The things I need to work on in order to make my life better for myself and those around me. I can be a bit of an open book and I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve at times. We are all human and fall short of the glory so I don't mind sharing some of my problems, thoughts and views on things.
I have had some dark days as the individual named Amy. I am very happy and blessed as a mother but that's only one part of my life. Madi is such a joy and as much as that should make me happy it would be unhealthy to ONLY concentrate on her and not myself. To be a good mom~I have to take care of her mother. So one goal I have conquered but is an everyday battle is my weight loss and trying to exercise. I fail often at the exercise. I plan on going to school in Feb. for a phlebotomy course and will gradually go back to work when need be. No rush on that just yet but I want the degree under my belt for when I need it. Although we are moving and our expenses will increase so I may be going back this fall. I do have some private personal issues I am working on as well just to be my best as a person in general. It's a new year and I am ready to get over this rut one way or another.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

"ME" Time

Here recently I have been saying I need some me time. And since I dedicate my every second to my daughter and husband, people tend to freak out and jump to conclusions when I need a breather. I am literally with my daughter every second of the day including night time. And very rarely do I go out with anyone other than my family. But, there comes a time when I have to tend to my needs as an individual and not as mother and wife. I am more than those important roles in my life. I am AMY and if I don't take care of her sometimes then I fail at the other two. When Madi was born I focused on her 100% and truly lost myself as a person for a while and that wasn't benefiting her either.
There are those days where I need to just let my hair down and be free to be "ME" for a change. Turn the radio up and dance around the house without a care in the world. Or go out shopping or to lunch with my gal pals and have some girl talk. Dress up a little more sexy than usual and feel comfortable being a woman. It's my skin I need to feel comfortable in. Some people are envious of a SAHM and although I would never trade it for a million dollars, it's not all glitz and glamour. I have those days where I get depressed missing the world of working and having adult conversations. So this year I am not asking...but demanding...more "ME TIME" so that I can be better at the job I need to do in a more loving and competent way.

I Suck

OK, I clearly suck. I need to find the time to do more blog posts and more importantly comment. I do apologize and I miss you all so much.

Wordless Wednesday

Got Milk?

Please go to 5M4M for more WW!

Felt Like a Princess

Andy & I had a wonderful date night on Friday night. We went and had a couples massage, (I bought him for Christmas Last year) dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, Madi's Christmas shopping done, he bought me a ton of make-up as a gift and got us a gorgeous room at the Hilton. We used to do things like this all the time when we were younger. Felt great to be able to get away, just the two of us for a night.

*This was a really nice hotel right by all of the shopping!



*Getting ready for the massage!



*The Cheesecake Factory is always a great place to eat. They have the biggest menu I have ever seen.


*Back at the room where Andy is like~OMG you are putting this on your blog, right?!


*All this great make up he bought for me...ah the way to my heart.


*This is where us Hillbillies go instead of Walmart when we are out of town!


*It doesn't take much to excite me. I played with the clock in the room for a long time.


*And how did the night end...

I'll never tell...;-)

Wordless Wednesday~24 pound Weight Loss

Before: (April)




After: Aug/Sept

*Next week I will do Andy's...he has lost WAY more than I have!

Please visit 5M4M for me great WW!

My Story (part 3)

SAHM~Stay at Home Mom
By far being a Mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The love you have for your child is beyond measure and belief.
I was working for a GYN/OB and when I turned 32 I realized that if I wanted to start a family I better talk to Andy about it now before it would be to late in life. I didn't want to be sitting around in my 50s without having known what it was like to be a mother.
The only downside to being a SAHM is that I don't balance things very well in my life. For example I get on a kick of something and I focus on it and give it my FULL attention. And this time it was Pebbles. I live for her 24/7-she even sleeps with me. The main problem with this is I did not give myself any "me time". I was trying to become a Super Mom and driving myself and everyone around me crazy with it. I only listened to her music and only watched her shows on TV...NONE of mine...lived in "her little world".

And of course this among other situations is going to cause a problem in your marriage. I lost myself along the way as well. Labeling myself as wife and mother I truly forgot I was an individual...a person.
Bottom line:
I became a lonely, numb, sometimes angry, robotic, shell of a person.

This is My Story (part 2)

Out of respect for my husband who understandably wants his privacy...this is all I will say about part 2.

These people:


Are working on finding...

these people again:


Because...


We made a promise not only to ourselves, but to God.

And of course...

Because of her.


However, with that said...
If you are divorced, a single parent or someone in a similar situation, you will never hear me say to you "God hates divorce, you are ruining your child's life or you are a sinner." Thou shall not judge and it's just not my style as a friend anyway. If I have not walked a day in your shoes how do I truly know what you are going through?
*more to come...